I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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