I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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