Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
