This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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