he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
