god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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