I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
