If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
