I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
