Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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