3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
