Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
