hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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