I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
