I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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