Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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