I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.