pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
