you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
