HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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