everyone is single if you try hard enough
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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