Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?