from now on my penis is your penis
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.