I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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