When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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