literally had 100 drinks last night.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.