No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
