he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
