Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
