remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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