I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
