Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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