I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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