You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize