if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
