I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
