the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
