I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
