So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
