There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
