i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
