Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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