apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
