You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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