that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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