Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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