I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
