been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
