dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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