after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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