i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
