You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
