Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
