the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
