He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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