it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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