I hate all girls vehemently.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
