did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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