man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
