am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
