My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
