So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
