I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
