im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
