Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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