Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
