i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
