Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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