i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
