I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
