Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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