I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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