your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
