my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
