you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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