I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
