You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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