In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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