i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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